All Points Bulletin

This is not a Don Ape blog. We apologize for this interuption.

It has been sometime since we, the producers of Shit for Brains with Don Ape, have heard from our esteemed and oft-copied blogger.

We kindly ask that if anyone has information concerning his current whereabouts to contact us here at apefight.com

Thank you for you time and consideration.

I don’t want to know

Dear Blog,

I can’t blog today. I think I might have eaten a bad bologna sandwich.
I farted and it smelled like apple pie. I might throw up…

-Don Ape

Breaking Deadpool Rules.

Dear Blog,

I must make an immediate amendment to my deadpool list.

Dick Tater has swicthed to Grain alcohol as his primary drink. No Bullshit.

Due to this recent change, Dick has shifted two spots to number 4. Go Dick Tater.

In related news, Ape Fight is accepting applications for a live-in nurse. Please include a photo.

I have a ache right here,
- Don Ape

Lucky Charms and Comic Books

Dear Blog,
I’m feeling very sleepy but I have some news.

Ape Fight will be in the studio this week recording our next giant record.
(yawn…)

We are in the beginning of the home stretch when it comes to our new record. We have about thirty demo songs ready to pour over. And now it’s time to pick the best ones, play them with the tape on and hand them out at shows.

I am not really prepared for it as usual and will have to make some of my parts up in a pinch.
No one cares.
Time for a comic book and nice bowl of Lucky Charms. Good night.
-Don Ape

Music to Suffocate By

Dear Blog,
Name this tune!
Here’s a hint. I’m listening to it right now.

(Listen…)

I don’t know about you but this song makes me feel like I’m flying… or slowly dying.

What’s the difference? As long as the moment is a little different.

End of song.
La-la-la,
Don Ape

The Death of Ape Fight – One at a Time

It’s that time of year again to vote on the Ape Fight deadpool!

Every year we try to guess which band member is most likely to die first.
Here is my list:

1- Little Danny
Reason: Light-Speed fast lifestyle. A solid number one pick year after year.

2- Chuck Steak
Reason: A leap up the charts. Fearless and ossified equals messy accident.

3- Don Ape
Reason: I know me. I am tempting fate everyday. And I haven’t slept since the Los Angeles Olympics.

4- Mod Alien
Reason: He eats only hamburgers and candy. He also makes a hobby of raising Cobras.

5- Mr Gamble
Reason: Gamble sleeps with the window open in the winter. He will also polish off any drinks left after a party.

6- Dick Tater
Reason: Try and name a dead bassist.

(Try to name any bassist!)

Holding my breath,
- Don Ape

Letters from the Fans

We are trying to get to everyone’s letters. Some letters are more equal than others, as well.

Dennis from Brooklyn, NY writes:

“Well I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again
You get nothing for nothing: expect it when
You’re backseat driving, and your hands ain’t on the wheel
It’s easy to go along with the crowd,
And find later on that your say ain’t allowed
Oh that’s the way to find what you’ve been missing

So I’m heading out to the highway
I got nothing to lose at all
I’m gonna do it my way
Take a chance before I fall
A chance before I fall!

You can hang in a left or hang in a right
The choice it is yours to do as you might
The road is open wide to place your bidding
Now, wherever you turn, wherever you go
If you get it wrong, at least you can know
There’s miles and miles to put it back together!

On the highway! On the highway!

Making a curve or taking the strain
On the decline, or out on the wain
Oh everybody breaks down sooner or later
We’ll put it to rights, we’ll square up and mend.
Back on your feet to take the next bend!
You weather every storm that’s coming atcha!”

Right. Craig, I hope I never meet you. I bet you spit when you talk. Thanks for your letter!

Famously,
-Don Ape

Secrets of the Stars Revealed! Part 1!

Dear Blog,

I love girls with ponytails. So do we.

(me too.)

Get on board while you can.
Get on board while you can.

-Don Ape

Mr. Fortitude in The New Year!

Dear Blog,

My New Year’s Resolution is that I will pay attention to people more.

(Lose the human act. Let the beast leak out.)

Good Luck in the New Year, fools.

-Don Ape

2008 Was NOT the Year of the Ape!

Oh really? What did you do?

(Lump.)

Can I have a Fuck Us!

-Don Ape